In the first part I spoke of how to better communicate keeping in mind that both spoken and non–spoken communication is going on simultaneously at all times. In this part I will focus on how better to connect with others beyond the present moment and how to handle others who may not be open to you.
How fortunate we are to have the written word! If we did not, I would not have the pleasure of connecting with you at this moment. Being able to write allows our thoughts and feelings to go across time itself! Art depends on it. And without writing, we would not be able to enjoy our favorite music and plays over and over again. Techniques and whole schools of learning would have been lost to the ages.
I would like to introduce the idea of legacy as the First People teach it. Each of you is a living library that grows more full as the years go by. How colorful, insightful or exciting the “pages” of these “books” are depends entirely on how fully you live your life. Each stage of life holds many lessons if you but reflect on them. The answers are within you and amongst you. Legacy is NOT something you give after you die. It is too late. Legacy is what you do when you are alive! It starts today! Think of what messages and impressions you would like others to remember about you after you have moved on whether to another stage of your life, or into the other world. What routines that strengthen bonds of love and good will would you chose to turn into traditions that will live on in others whose lives you have touched? For the gift of your legacy to be true you must be your authentic self.
But what of those who chose to not be open nor accepting of you? Resist the knee jerk reaction to fight “fire with fire”. Once things escalate they are very difficult to deescalate. In the communications industry it is customary to have several seconds delay if it is a live show. This is to allow for response to time to “beep out” if anything inappropriate is said. This delay is to avoid anything too offensive from being broadcast.
It is a good practice to have in your own lives. This slightly delayed reaction can buy you time to weigh what is happening and thus formulate a better way of answering.
Try to understand why someone may be closed to you. It could be as simple as them having a bad day and have nothing to do with you. If that is the case giving that person “breathing room”. If they’re receptive to it doing something to lift the mood for them can go far in turning a bad day into a good one.
It may be that the current circumstances remind them of a past one where things went very badly. Ask the person why they think so. Kindly remind them that the present event is not identical to what happened to the past if at all. This is a different day with the potential for different and if well planned positive outcomes. Pay attention to what was learned in the past in addition to the strategy to create a better tomorrow. In this way no moment was a wasted. Past and present are equally valuable since they are the “parents” of the future.
You may resemble someone in their past that creates painful or mixed emotions.
Be patient and try to be compassionate.Typically when this happens it is because of unresolved wounds or losses of the past. Gently reaffirm that you are not that person from the past so that they may see you. Have them focus on that while communicating with you.
Culture and religion may also create barriers that cause tension. These are the hardest to overcome since some prejudices may become very entrenched through generations. This is the saddest of all since it dehumanizes “the other”. Although incorrect, the ignoring of these restrictions may be seen as taboo and trespassing them seen as betraying the ethnicity or religious walk they come from and firmly believe in. Breathe. If you feel hostility send the energy to ground. Remember that this person does not see you, but only the mask of their belief placed upon you. Try to come from a universal view to create common ground. If they become receptive then stay on that common ground for it is considered “safe” for both of you. If not, then you may need to resign yourself to the fact that communication may be impossible.
Sadly any of the reasons stated above may block a person in seeing you for who you are. Although it may affect you try your best not to take things personally.
Understand that I’m not saying that it gives anyone the right to treat you harshly or disrespectfully. These are factors for you to weigh in order to determine how or if to go on trying to connect with the person who is resistant to you. If the person begins to accept you then careful cultivation of the relationship based on mutual respect will yield good results and a potential new friend or ally. If after trying the person refuses to change then accept who they are, and where they are but it doesn’t lessen your beauty and value as a person. Remove yourself from the interaction with diplomacy and grace.
Be true to yourself, be your best self in both word and deed. As you move through the world you will automatically be creating legacy. Your life has the power to be a gift to others. Express yourself well and compassionately. Dane-ho! It is said.
Eagle Skyfire is a Native American shaman, seer, spiritual teacher and ceremonial leader. Her mastery of these practices allows her to empower people deeply in transforming their lives, and to gain deeper understanding of their soul’s purpose. Connect @EagleSkyfire, via Facebook, LinkedIn, or visit www.eagleskyfire.com.
All material written or recorded is the exclusive intellectual property of Eagle Skyfire.